Happy Halloween!:)

Well Soon I will be leaving to take Dakota to the Fair..We don't dress up or celebrate Halloween...not because of religious reasons but because its a mixture of I don't feel like it and I don't think my kids need anymore sugar! haha.
HE said he wanted to be Spiderman but Oh the Hell well....I think he would much rather go to the Fair and Ride on the Carnival Rides there. ;)

So Thats what I will be doing today. Hopefully next saturday I'll be going with some friends. ;)

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Well I'm just glad tomorrow is Friday! I'm making this really short tonight because I'm in the middle of a mild migraine and umm I just took my medicine that knocks me out. I'm hoping the babies will stop crying in their beds and go off to la la land themselves...

I love going to Illwill press!! They have the coolest and funniest cartoons. U know Foamy the squirel..hilarious. *lol* anyway I wanted to share another cartoon with you today ;) Small, medium, Large the whole starbucks coffee thing..*LOL* i hate starbucks so this is a good one for me. ;)

Well Its back to the old grind in the A.M. Its my turn to do Morning Stretches! Every week we take turns doing them its like mandatory by thier insurance company or something so less ppl will pull muscles and such and in turn cost the Warehouse more money. So this week is my week for them ..UGH. i despise standing in front of everyone and leading the strech routines.

well anyway..;) here i go!

I know it seems as if I've been neglecting my blog. But I've been suffering from mad migraines most of the week! I had to leave early yesterday from work b/c of it. but nearly as soon as I left work i felt better. I think its the dust and florescent lights. Those are some triggers and they seem to be affecting me. The computer screen does hurt a little bit as well and thats why i have been trying not to get on as much. I wonder if they still have those screen things that goes over your computer screen to block some of the bright light that comes from the screen. I need one of those I think. I haven't seem them around in years tho.

Well I had an Okay birthday. Parents took me to a mexican restraunt and it was hard not ordering a margarita. I try not to drink around my parents esp. when they are paying for mine. I know money is tight for them and it was hard enough being able to order a 9 dollar meal.

Dakota took his first does of Retalin LA this morning it said it could make him drowsy and lose his appetite. well he lost his appitite but it hasn't made him drowsy. moreso, it seems to me that he is a lil more hyper than normal. Maybe the medicine just needs some time. I dunno. We will see.

Journal entry for October 16

This Journal Entry can also be found in my Homepage but I thought I would post it here as this place gets hellofa lot more traffic than my homepage thats practically abandoned.


You know I just don't get it. What have I done so wrong in my life to get ignored by everyone who I thought meant something special to me and I to them.
You know all my "old buds" from HighSchool I rarely talk too. In all actuallity, I'm talking to people from HighSchool I would never imagined myself talking too. People I thought hated me or thought I was a freak of some sort in school. Actually Talks To me! WOW!
Nothing more just chatting and emailing but still. It feels kinda weird.
There is soo many things I want to achieve and acomplish in my life and yet it seems so very difficult and unlikely and the more I think about it the more unlikely my dreams will become. You see I'm a poet. and I've been told a very good damn poet. Then Why can't i get published or win some money with the contests i enter? No, I guess I'm not that good afterall.
And where is Mr. Right? You know 3 1/2 years ago, I thought I had My Mr. Right. I was almost certain. I felt so in love like never before. I felt like I knew the man my whole entire life but in actuallity i didn't meet him until i was 18.
We got married when I was 20. Got pregnant almost immedietly and life seemed so good, so almost perfect! Until I got pregnant with our twins and something changed. Was it him? Was it me? I dunno but I started thinking about all the things I disliked about our relationship and how much I wanted to change him but realized I couldn't. Why didn't I see this before I got pregnant with twins!! how come if the love wasn't true that it took so long for me to realize i made a terrible mistake? But Then again, who says what I did was actually a mistake.
Maybe me and Jon was ment to be. not permanetly but for that time frame.
I still deep down love him to death and I know that may scare some guys away from me but He is the father o fmy children even though sometimes i wonder if he even wants to be a father to my children.

Speaking of Children it seems like all they want to do is destory the damn house so i better end this and clean up there mess! GRR. Anyone want two 2 year olds for about a year or so and then you can hand them back to me. first potty train them as well!!!*LOL* J/k

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Saw this at Ninakaye
First

• First job:Piggly wiggly (grocery store)


• First screen name:Tweetygirl


• First funeral:My mom's bestfriends when i was like 5


• First pet:2 love birds when iwas 4 or so.


• First piercing:Ears


• First tattoo:none to date


• First credit card:I have a visa check card but never had a credit.


• First kiss: when i was 3 to a Christopher Matthew Knight (he has the picture*lol*)


• First enemy: this lil girl named Kissy.

Last

• Last car ride:My dad took me to the dr's this afternoon.


• Last kiss: Gave my son dakota a kiss this afternoon


• Last movie watched: set it off


• Last beverage drank:Diet Sierra mist


• Last food consumed:leftover Beef liver and mashed potatoes


• Last phone call: To my mom to see how she was feeling (she is sick)


• Last time showered:This morning


• Last CD played:Shawn Mullins "Souls Core"


• Last website visited: Ninakaye

Now

• Single or taken:Single


• Gender:Female


• Birthday:October 21


• Sign:Libra


• Siblings:2. an older brother and an older sister.


• Hair color:Blonde


• Eye color: Blue


• Shoe size:11


• Height: 5 foot 7


• Wearing:Black jeans and a yellow t-shirt (i look like a damn bumblebee)


• Drinking:Nothing


• Thinking about:What to feed the kids for dinner


• Listening to: Nothing

Well I don't know why i'm posting this, maybe i'm hoping someone will have a little compassion but my birthday is in 8 days!
I'm not celebrating it though but just thought maybe someone would like to know that this 25 year old will soon be 26.
Last year, noone acknowledged my birthday which i'm learning is fine with me tho. last year I took it kinda hard b/c noone of importance remembered it. its pretty bad when you ex husband calls you up and wishes you a happy birthday but your own flesh and blood family doesn't even care to call you on your birthday or during the week thereof. thats really sad. but i'm not going to let it get me down this year. It will roll off my back like a water on a duck.

Well its been a week tomorrow since I posted anything on here so i figure i would.
Friday they threw us a pizza party at work for all our departments hard work to get things done so fast. Yeah, me and my friends at work think they are just feeling guilty about somethin' they are keeping from us. You see business hasn't been very good lately, there are rumors going around that we may start seeing some pink slips soon. Gosh I hope not. I really need my sucky paying job.
I think i'm going to start on my diet tomorrow. I've been thinking of it for a week now and now, i'm going to really do it, not just think about it. Thats why I gave all my sweets to my mom and dad (like they really need it *sarcasm*) esp. with my mom being diabetic and all.
but i'm Swearin' to everyone here, I'm going to come down at least one dress size by Christmas! thats not too fast, is it?
with that and the aerobics twice a week i should be fine. ;)
i dunno we will see.

I went to that aerobics class tonight. How much fun that was! i'm exhausted its been years, count it 8 years since i've really worked out! yes, last time was when i was 17 years old. WOW. at least these workouts are free. so thats good. ;)
Now, all i got to do is cut back a tad more and i should start to see more weight loss. Just think last year, I was losing weight and all together lost 70 pounds. I'm back up about 35 of those 70 and now trying to lose more. I gained an unbelievable amount of weight after the twins and the FINAL seperation from my husband. That jerk! he played me like a harp. and i took the bait, hook line and sinker. Well I won't be fooled so easily by the next yah-hoo that comes in my life.
I was wondering around classmates.com looking at some old classmates profiles and a lot of them seems so happy and has done so so much with there life and I haven't. HELL I live one apartment building away from where I spent most of my highschool life. *LOL* go figure! I ended up in the same place I started. except now i have 3 rugrats calling me Mommy!
and I've done a lot of shit since then, i wish i could just go back for a day to my old highschool life. just go back in time and relive it. I wouldn't really change a thing, just enjoy it more and would be such a bitch about how I hated my life.
AnyWho,
I didn't get that job at Verizon Wireless afterall, I got a turn down letter today. Oh well it just wasn't meant to be I guess. And i'm perfectly happy with that.

What a boring day. didn't get much acomplished except took the kiddos to the local baptist church here and they had this health and safty fair which they had fire trucks and K-9 police demonstartions so that was cool for the kids. esp. dakota. Anyway, I'm going to start going there for there aerobics classes they have every monday and thursday. Hey its free! which is great. ;)
so maybe i'll just try that out.
other than that,
What a BORING DAY! ho hum didn't talk to many ppl today and I coulda went out on a blind date with this guy but i couldn't cuz no babysitter and my mom doesn't like watchin' the kids on such short notice on the weekends (her time to be w/out the kids)

Bitch Bitch Bitch

BITCH BITCH BITCH...

I woke up this morning and I knew I was going to have an interesting day to say the least. An Anxiety filled one, but still an interesting day. Let me fill you in.

Well I woke up and I felt this overwhelming since of trouble and I didn't know why exactly at first, but once I started walking towards my dad's van I felt like I had to hurry up and get there to see something! Guess what it was? Someone shot my dad's back window with a BBGun. It is still intact but shattered and you can't see out of it at all! Me and my dad just stood there for a few minutes trying to reason why some idiot would do something like that, still don't know why. My dad has no enemies, he is a good Christian man and no one particularly hates him.

Then at work, Everyone was trying to get me to talk to them but I wouldn't. I've learned something the hard way at work, whatever you say to anyone gets exaggerated beyond belief and passed around like yesterdays trash. And I no longer want my name being a part of there childish girlie gossip.

In all actualality, I was feeling down. And then about an hour before lunch I started having one of my anxiety attacks and I felt like running home. Even tho. Its like 20 miles, I still felt like running home. I didn't want to be there.
And Then, I had to sign the paper about my oral warning. But one of the days on it was like from when I was suppose to be covered by personal days. So now that whole warning thing is in question. I asked to go to HR about intermittent FMLA but I'm getting a run around. And this girl at work has to take FMLA and she already got the nesscary paper work, that isn't fair seeing as I asked first! There is a lot of favoritism at my job. But I'm sure that's everywhere, one day I would love to be the favorite again. But then your hated by everybody else *LOL*


And then I get in my moms car, and to make a long story short out of the blue, she called me stupid. That made me fukin sad! I wanted to cry but I didn't b/c I didn't want to let her know it got to me. So I ignored her. But that hurt. It hurt real bad.
My own mother whom I love dearly called me stupid!? Said, maybe I should have rethought the whole having children thing. *LOL* great one mom, why not just plain out say, I'm a terrible psychotic mother!

And then, I was suppose to have a date tonight but got stood up. *LOL* oh well he wasn't worth it anyway but all of this together just left me to be a bitch to the one person I do care about in this world, My cousin. I was such a nasty bitch to him today. I'm so sorry he had to see that evil side of me. Now he knows how sick I really am.